Snix and Brit sex detectives
by Writingisfunlol
Summary: Santana and brittany are bored.. so they dig up some Wemma news :
1. Chapter 1

Now I love me some Wemma so everything will be Wemma related.. but i do love me some student interactions :]] lol Enjoy guys! This is a one shot but let me know if you would like a second chapter.

Snix and Brit Brit sex detectives

"Hey Santana do you think miss Pillsbury is still a virgin?" Brittany stretched her hamstrings sitting on the floor next to Santana while she did the same.

"Hmm I don't know Brit why do you ask?"

"Well remember that time they made me talk to her because I had a baby bird in my locker?"

"Yeah?"

"Well I noticed.."

**Emma's office:**

"Brittany baby birds don't belong in lockers, they are germ ridden little creatures and they belong outside in their own home, in a nest on a nice tree"

She had smiled and pointed at the window after putting on some hand sanitizer for like the third time.

"But this is my baby, the stork brought it to me. I know it's a little ugly now but he'll grow out of its beak and then maybe he'll just look like Rachel.."

She looked at me funny, she obviously didn't get it.

"Look miss P I know how babies are made I'm not stupid. You have to have sex... but see you only get pregnant if a stork sees you do it. Then she'll bring you your baby." then I remembered. "Maybe your pregnant miss P! When you did Touch a Touch me with there were lots of birds outside his window."

She turned really red then, like more than her hair, and then she stuttered a lot.

"Oh god, you saw.. you saw that? But we didn't.. I haven't.. we haven't... what were you doing there?"

"Santana and I saw you going in his office but don't worry we left after you ripped his shirt of. Haha you look really funny, you went from bright red to white really fast, coach Sylvester would looove your face in the team. You're your very own light show."

"Babies don't come out from birds Brittany, and and I.. I uh nothing happened, ok have a good day"

Then she pushed me out of her office, and she kept my baby...

"But that doesn't mean she's still a virgin, she was going out with that sexy dentist. If she didn't tap that fine piece of ass that was an extreme waste of man. But you know, we should go check, I bet we can get her to put on that pretty light show for you Brittany"

Britney smiled and they linked pinkys.

"That would be so cool."

"So how can I help you girls?" The pretty guidance counselor sat up on her chair and smiled at the girls.

"Miss P I think I'm a sex addict." Santana came straight out making Emma's eyes pop open in surprise. "I looove sex and it makes me feel really good."

"Yeah me too" Brittany added making Emma switch her focus from one girl to the other. Eyes wide mouth open slightly in shock.

"I have had sex on a bed, in a tent, in a car.." started Santana.

"On a pool table" added Brittany.

"In the pool" continued the other.

"On a desk"

"In a classroom.." they both continued bouncing back and forth.

Emma was blushing deep crimson now and Brittany enjoyed it. "Oh my gosh, girls girls girls! Have you.. have you guys sp..spoken to your parents about this?"

"No, no miss P we came to you first. You see we both knew you would understand us the most." Santana blinked at Emma and Brittany giggled.

"I uh.. I.. I.. I don't.."

"But Touch a Touch.." Brittany interrupted.

"Oh gosh.." Emma's head dropped in her hands, hiding her face in shame. "girls I.. I don't, I didn't. I'm not ahem.." She cleared her throat as if to help her spit it out "I'm .. I am not addicted to sex." her eyes closed as the words slid from her mouth.

"See I told you." said Brittany

"Well we didn't say addicted we said virgin" Emma began staring blankly at the two of them still trying to figure out what they were talking about.

"Oh god.. the dentist was a waste of fine ass wasn't he?" Emma looked dumbfounded at Santana. "did you get some of that sweet man candy?" The guidance counselors reddened face began to pale as she began to understand the students visit.

"No." Emma said frankly, looking down at her hands.

"What about ?" asked Brittany.

"Nothing." wiping a tear of her pale cheek Emma let her students see her defeated. Is this what they wanted? to dig up her painfully awkward lack of a sexual life? "Nothing happened with ."

"Why not?" Santana asked kind of curious as to why an older woman clearly in love (and even divorced) had not enjoyed sex yet.

"I don't know" she said finally looking up at the girls. " Sex is not a game ladies. You guys should protect your heart. Every time you get out there and give yourself to someone new you are loosing a tiny bit of yourself. You guys should put yourselves first."

"We know miss P, we are not really sex addicts we just wanted to know if you were still, you know a virgin.. So are you?" Brittany asked.

"Yes Brittany she clearly is, but why? I understand where you are coming from on the giving a little piece of yourself thing but, you love Mr. Shue right?" Emma nodded lightly. "Then there's nothing to be scared of." Santana smiled sympathetically. "unless you know, your scared of fun." and the sympathy was gone. "just saying. Come on brit brit."

"Have you been masturbating?" Brittany said as she looked outside the window. Santana and Emma looked at each other. Emma shocked, Santana confused. "I heard that if you masturbate flowers grow on trees, and your tree has_ a lot_ of flowers." Emma's face got bright red again. "now white again, red, white, red, white. Wouldn't she be a great cheerio?" Santana laughed it of and grabbed Brittany by the arm and pulled her out of the chair. Emma's hands were on her face covering her mouth as she was still in shock by the question. "If you haven't I suggest you try it miss P. It'll _rock your world_. See ya." winked Santana trailing a hand over her pelvis and biting her lip. Emma could not have been more mortified.

The girls walked down the hallway feeling accomplished.

"Hey Brit?"

"Yea?"

"Wanna see if we can get Mr. Shue all hot and bothered for miss P?"

"Oooh that one will be easy." They linked pinkies and walked down the hallway to a certain spanish teachers office.


	2. Chapter 2

Brit and Snix sex detectives.. The Muckraker ..

"Are you sure he wont mind the questions? I think it'll just be easier if we put him on the spotlight in front of glee club" Brittany adjusted her journalist hat while Santana jotted down some more interview questions for Mr. Shue.

"No, we need him to admit that he has the hots for miss P and if we are in a room full of idiots it'll be super hard to get him to concentrate on the questions. Plus my special V-day brownies will get him loosened up for some serious questions. Now are you ready"

"Yea." The girls walked down the hall one, a hard hitting reporter, the other a sexy candy stripper with a tray full of delicious brownies.

Knock Knock...

"Hey girls, how can I?.. help you?" He looked puzzled. He was pretty sure Santana's outfit was not appropriate but then again, you couldn't say much to Santana without getting your head bitten of.

"Just a couple of questions for the news paper mr Shue.." Brittany began.

"No, no no no no no. Your questions are too gossipy and I thought you had learned that spreading rumors is not good Brittany. No, I don't want any part of this."

"Chill mr Shue, these are for a the Valentines day poll on friday and they are completely anonymous, no more rumors." Santana stretched out her arm leaning down seductively leaving a moist chocolate brownie on the teachers desk and smiled. "And you know maybe you could help Brittany rephrase the questions so they aren't as gossipy." She shrugged. Will looked from girl to girl before sighing.

"All right, but I can refrain from answering any question." The girls nodded and smiled.

"But go on and eat the brownie, you're not going to disrespect my abuela like that she made it special packed full of love for all the lovers I know it's not Valentines day yet but we have to get in the mood for it right?"

Will nodded politely unwrapping the moist chocolate treat and taking a bite "Mmm good." he smiled and swallowed taking a gulp of coffee as well. "Ok shoot."

"Ok question number one. Candy or flowers? which ones do you prefer to give on Valentines day?" Santana and Brittany smiled at each other and then at their teacher, they were all content with this question. He would get comfortable and they could wait for the effects to kick in to start asking the serious questions.

"I would say it depends on the girl I'm trying to impress, but recently it's been flowers." Will smiled satisfied and crossed his arms leaning back on his chair, licking the fudge of off his fingers. These questions weren't so bad, and the brownie was amazing really.

"Questions number two, what is your favorite part of the female anatomy?"

"Completely anonymous mr Shue, it's just that the question is very popular." Santana jumped in after seeing her teachers eyes widen, they couldn't loose him yet.

"It deserves an answer." Chimed in Brittany "Eyes, lips, boobs, butt, or legs?"

"I believe ladies, that this question leaves the door open for young men to objectify you.. like that outfit Santana. I'd have to say eyes, they are the windows to the soul."

Santana's mouth dropped in indignation, but wait, the brownies were working. "Are you sure it's not legs? because we have anonymous information that they've caught you looking at Miss P's various times.". She smiled, he looked dopey and distracted. This was hilarious.

"Hahaha that's inappropriate!" their teacher laughed pointing at them "May I have another brownie? They're soo good. Mm yes I'd say I like me some legs. I mean Emma's are amazing. No?" he questioned the girls. Brittany and Santana nodded.

"Oh yea their great."

"They make me jealous." Brittany added.

"Yea they are aren't they? She's a beautiful woman all around" His eyes trailed of like they were remembering.. or imagining something. "Next question please?" he smiled looking down at his fingers

"Oh yea of course! Umm question number three: blonds or gingers?"

"That one is easy!" He shot his arms out in the air "GINGERS!.. well Emma, she has the cutest little curls and when she's asleep they look so beautiful spread all over the pillow and..." His fingers began tracing curls in the air in front of him. Santana and Brittany looked at each other confused, they were sure when they made the brownies that they had measured all the ingredients correctly, he looked like he had a lot more than necessary, so what the hell why not take advantage.

"Mr Shue.. do you know if Miss P wants to.. you know?" Will looked at Santana's eyes which suggested sex and he grinned with his droopy eyes and snickered

"Girls, this a little secret.. shhh" he got up from his desk holding a finger to his lips. "I know she wants to. I KNOW!" he threw his hands up in the air again, running them through his hair the second time around. "That's why it is so frustrating! I get the green light and then the red light comes just as fast." he began walking around the little office, making Brittany and Santana move around to keep up with him. "She dreams about it." his eyes darkened like if he was in another part of his mind. He plopped down on the chair Brittany had been sitting in and talked up to them who were now sitting in his office chair and on his desk. "I hear her moan my name and writher in bed and and, she touches me. It's so hard cuz she touches me in her sleep" Brittany and Santana looked at each other and then at the door.

"Oh my god.. I uhh.. Will?" Emma's mouth was open having heard his whole confession.

Santana jumped up from of off his desk and pulled Brittany with her. "No it's cool Miss P we are just leaving." The two girls ran out of the office pushing Emma inside and closing the door behind them.

"Oh god, I hope they fix their stuff up tonight because I'm going to need some serious counseling tomorrow." Santana joked linking her arm with Brittany's

"Do you think we put too much Cat nip in the brownies?" Brittany asked

"Brit that was not cat nip, that was pot."

"It's the same thing Lord Tubbington smokes.."

"Ya well the magic was not even in the nip it was my abuela's truth serum that loosened him up."

"Was that that blue powder?"

"No, it was the clear liquid. That blue powder was a little umf like the cherry on top." Santana smirked. "That is what is gonna give Miss P the night of her life."

"Now hows bout you and I get our sweet lady kisses on in the janitors closet"

"Ooh I love it when you talk dirty to me."


End file.
